Im Sick


inspired by howl by AG,
currently as a draft that I am reworking:

5 December 2013
I'm sick of you
Im sick of me
Im sick of trees
Im sick of asphalt
Im sick of fault
Im sick of perfection
Im sick of stagnation
Im sick of progress
Im sick of the rest
Im sick of the used
Im sick of the news
Im sick of the past
Im sick of whos to come up last
	   and whos to be the first
Im sick of thirst
Im sick of quenching
Im sick of hurting
Im sick of wounds healed
Im sick of having to yield
Im sick of having to go
Im sick of saying no
Im sick of hearing yes
Im sick of all this jest
Im sick of all these stoics
Im sick of knowing it
Im sick of not knowing
Im sick of glowing
Im sick of feeling dull
Im sick of MY OWN SKULL
Im sick of MINE OWN MIND
Im sick of always being kind
Im sick of always putting you down
Im sick of your insane frowns
Im sick of heady grin
Im sick of all my kin
Im sick of all my foes
Im sick of being towed
	   and then having to be the leader
Im sick of readers
Im sick of non-readers
Im sick of hearing about Life Magazine
Im sick of hearing about Death
and Im also sick of my own well-being
	(go figure)
Im sick of being sick
	Let me stand on mine own rock
		and let me be sick

But Im still sick
Im sick of losing it
Im sick of having it found
Im sick of being bound
	   or getting lost
Im sick of the frost
Im sick of this heat
Im sick of finding a new beat
and Im sick of discovering old tracks
Im sick of hitting the sack
	   and also letting the morning hours play
Im sick of letting it all fray
Im sick of it coming back together
Im sick of feeling better
Im sick of nothing but blues
	and all these striking hues
	and all these bland palettes
		of all these mystic rackets
	and the public opinions
	and keeping they in the cold
	and getting old
	and being reborn
	and having my heart torn
	and having it melt in passion
	and drowning in klaxons
	and being heard only in alleyways
	and wanting to see plays
		only to have them boo'd

Im sick Im sick
	Im sick
Please hang me
Please slay me from mine own salvation
Please mute me
	Ive had too many crazy thoughts
		at least I think so
		at least Ive said so
			This, all a million times before
		where I was a beheader
			and once the beheaded
		and once the pumpkin smashed on the lawn
	and once the fish floating sideways
		on the surface of the ocean
		being cooked by the Sun

	Ive been it all before
		at least I think so
But they tell me
	I am an idiot
	I am illiterate
	I am unintelligible
	I cannot spell
	I cannot tell
	that I can go to Hell
		and that I AM NOT
			But I am sick
				so sick
					so sick of all the definitions
						that become me

	Im really just mad
	Im mad for you
	and Im mad for me
Ive got a madness for what could be
				I guess
And yeah, Im mad about the state of things
	but I dream for the things that could be
I get giddy when I hear a thoughtful verse
We get up in arms over ourselves
		and its great
	Really Im mad about it all
		and everything
Im mad about Life
	and feverish over Death
I fill with child wunderlust
	talking about the things 
		that sicken me
	because the things I care for
	make me feel ill
	when I take it down
			with a serious will

The world is spinning beneath my feet
and I have a madness I will always keep
And I am mad_for that drives
				my unsteady eyes
	to cruise above the trees
		and higher than the mountain peaks
	and further than the clouds
		and through the celestial shroud
	where my soul may rest
		in the bosom
			of the Good
	and then I remember
		I am not sick
			but me.
2 Responses to “Im Sick”
  1. I’m really just mad
    I’m mad for you
    and Im mad for me
    Oh, that is just beautiful.

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